


I look for you to light my heart (i'm in between the moon and where you are)

by Leksaklarke



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/F, Post S3 Finale, Wayhaught angst, everybody including myself is broken, garden of eden mention, tears lots of tears, wynhaught angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22103992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leksaklarke/pseuds/Leksaklarke
Summary: Post 3x12. Nicole and the rest of the team has been rescued but they can't find Waverly and Doc. Nicole is broken and Wynonna sees a completely different side of Nicole.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp & Nicole Haught
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	I look for you to light my heart (i'm in between the moon and where you are)

**Author's Note:**

> Waddup?! Hello, hi. This is very basic, i'm not a writer but i just- ugh i needed to write this. I have daydreamed this for days and finally, finally i was inspired to write it.

She raises the bottle against her lips, draining the last bit of alcohol. It burns her throat and it doesn’t ease the pain, not at all. Why is she drinking this shit? Why does Wynonna drink it? 

Ah, Wynonna. Where she is exactly the redhead doesn’t know but Wynonna isn’t occupying her mind right now. No, the other Earp is. Her girlfriend. God, her girlfriend. 

It’s been a week since Wynonna and Nedley rescued Nicole and they still haven’t made any progress in getting Waverly and Doc back. It hurts, trying to think about all the possibilities of getting Waverly back and of not getting her back. She likes Doc and no one deserves to be trapped in there, but Waverly is her entire world, she doesn’t know what to do without her and it’s all very strange. For the past week, Nicole has been keeping it all inside; the anger, the sadness, the guilt and the misery, all inside.

She hadn’t as much spoke a word to Wynonna or Nedley for that matter, despite seeing him at work. The only distraction right now is work, she barely gets a hint of sleep, even if she tried, the fact she can’t feel the warmth of her bonus blanket next to her, snuggling into her won’t let her sleep.

Is Waverly cold in there- out there, in the garden? Is she seeking shelter? Nicole’s thoughts just keep racing and racing, it never stops. What if Waverly isn’t feeling at all, what if she’s- no. No, Waverly is alive, Nicole can feel her energy, in her heart. Her soulmate is okay, and they will find her. But what if they don’t? 

Snapping out of her thoughts Nicole goes to drink again but finds the bottle empty. She rages and in the heat of the moment throws the bottle, not caring where it lands. She hears the glass shattering and then another sound following it, she turns to find the picture frame of her and Waverly shattered along with the whiskey bottle.

“No no no, fuck!” She rushes to it and kneels down, her vision blurry and suddenly the palm of her hand stings. It’s the only thing she felt in weeks. Physical pain feels good, she can still feel something; the pulse beating in her ear as blood oozes through, she closes her hand into a fist and presses. Fuck, it feels good. She doesn’t even care she’s bleeding, and she can’t see whether the cut is deep or not. Who gives a fuck, she’s out there- in the cold, darkness and she must be fucking terrified. Is Doc with her? Is she alone?  
Tears swells in her eyes as she sets them on the picture, her vision still blurry but she can still make out the two figures. “Waverly.” Her voice is sharp, pained and faint. Her throat is still on fire.

“Oh, Nicole.” She hears, the voice sounds broken, apologetic, and then she feels a hand on her shoulder and under her arm, trying to hoist her up. Nicole shrugs it off and gets up, stumbling around to face the visitor. Oh. Her head spins.

“I came to check on you. You’ve been avoiding me.” Wynonna’s eyes trail to the blood on the floor and to Nicole’s hand. “Nicole you’re bleeding, let me-” 

“Don’t touch me.”

“Nic-” 

“No, Wynonna. Don’t you fucking dare. You did this.” She snarls. Her expression changes in an instant and Wynonna has never seen Nicole like this. So numb, so angry.

“You fucking did this Wynonna,” She repeats, her bloodied hand wiping at her tears. “She is out there because you drugged me and let her tag along.”

Wynonna swallows and looks up, trying to keep the tears in. “Nicole, please.” She pleads, her eyes brimming with unshed tears.

“Did you even fucking think? For once in your fucking life? Or were you just too drunk to even comprehend?”

“Of course i did Nicole! Of course i thought about it, alright? You don’t think i don’t blame myself, huh?” Wynonna snaps, the tears falling freely now. “That’s not fair, Haught. I miss her too, okay? She’s my baby sister. I was supposed to protect her- fuck.”

“Yeah. It’s not fair.” She mocks. “What if we never get her back huh? What then?” Tears, so much tears. Her vision is not only clouded with alcohol but tears, too.

Nicole can vividly remember the first time she ever saw Waverly Earp. It was before she even talked to her, it was the first time she ever stepped foot in this town, catching the brunette coming out of her Jeep and walking to Shorty’s, Nicole remembers how radiatingly beautiful she was. She knew then, she was whipped. Her mind raked on how she’d even talk to the girl or when. When they got together, Nicole knew she was home. Waverly was her home, wherever she goes... but now her home has been taken and she can’t follow her. 

Wynonna takes another step closer and reaches for the soaked hand instead she stumbles back as Nicole pushes her. When she balances, Nicole pushes her again. Her face twisting in anger and Wynonna doesn’t recognize her. 

“She’s all i’ve got, Wynonna!” She can barely make out the words as a sob chokes out and Nicole stumbles back, her hand covering her mouth in shock. She just- this is not her. Wynonna doesn’t deserve this. What am i doing? She doesn’t notice how broken Wynonna looks, how red and swollen her eyes are, as tears slides down her cheeks.

And then Wynonna is hugging her. And god, it feels good to feel arms wrapped around her; another human being hugging her. Nicole cries and cries before finally reaching out and wrap her own hands around Wynonna. 

“She’s all I’ve got too, Haught.” 

Nicole knows that. Nicole also knows how much Wynonna loves Waverly. She must be broken especially since she’s trying to get her back, but she hasn’t found a way. It must be eating her alive.

“I’m so sorry. Fuck Wynonna, i’m sorry.” Nicole sobs.

“I know. Now let’s get that hand of yours clean, huh?”

-

The did it, they fucking did it! They found a way to rescue Waverly and Doc. Doc makes it out first; his appearance disheveled with his full beard, long hair and ripped clothes. 

And then Nicole sees her. And god, does she cry when she sees her. She looks like a complete mess but to Nicole, she’s still the most beautiful girl she ever laid eyes on. She’s still the girl walking to Shorty’s who made Nicole’s heart race. It’s racing now. She never thought she’d see her again. 

But Waverly looks so fucking terrified. She can’t believe it, she thinks Wynonna is a hallucination, a dream, so she shakes her head and mumbles “You’re not real. You’re not real. No, no, not again.”

“Baby girl, it’s me.” Wynonna’s voice breaks and it makes Nicole cry harder. It takes a while for her to actually believe it and when she does, she just sobs and wails in Wynonna’s arms. It breaks Nicole’s heart. 

Then she looks at her, and they make eye contact. 

Nicole steps forward as her heart starts to beat. 

She clears her throat. “Waverly.”

“Who are you?” Her heart stops and her entire world crashes down.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song Ugly Side by Blue October and if you don't know them, look them up. Seriously, you need Blue October in your life. 
> 
> Special thanks to my yeehaw pals. I was listening to the playlist while writing this :') 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this, i'm sorry.


End file.
